Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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