Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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