A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
