I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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