You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
