i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
