If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
