Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
