Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
BRING THE BAGELS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
