i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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