I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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