I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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