I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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