Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
