i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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