I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
