i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
