I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
