we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
