Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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