Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Welp...herpes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
