you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
