Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there was a trapeze. enough said
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
