Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
