these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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