How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
