My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
