Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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