I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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