I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
