Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she told me i tasted like america
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
