and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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