I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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