i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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