Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
