"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
