So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
