Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
