maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
