Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
