she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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