I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
