South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
