My Higher Power is John Stamos
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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