We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
