piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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