and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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