Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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