the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
