some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
