Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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