for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
