Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hippo gnu deer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
