4 words: hood of his car
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
