Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
