i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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