Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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