You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
