Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize