Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
