The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize