I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
