Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
