I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
