After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
