Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
