I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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