Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
