I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My feet surprised me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
