then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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