I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
